| What the fuck happened to me? |
[Oct. 3rd, 2008|02:55 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | BED<3 | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | primus - buckethead | ] |
I'm looking back when I was like 6 and seeing how much shit has changed since then. A whoooole fucking lot. Maybe this is just the cough syrup talking but fuck it, whatever. I really miss how fun and spontaneous things used to be. I really miss being a kid and not having to stress about every single fucking problem in life. Being an adult is way, WAY more complicated than ever. It's extremely hard to get a job around here, I've tried for almost 2 years and only found the two shittiest ones possible. Dropping out of school totally fucked me, so now I'm stuck with a GED, and probably no way to go to college. Cosmetology school is kinda out of the question too, I'm fucking dead broke, and can't afford $10,000 bones for it, and for only 9 months. Ain't that some shit. So now I'm stuck here, In my parents basement, completely dying to get an apartment with Matt and get out of my parents life. But most of all I really miss having a Dad. Growing up without him was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Him dying from leukemia, and now my grandfather has it. Actually, there's a chance I could develop it in the future, but what can I do about it? Anyway, My Dad was the light of my LIFE. He taught me so much in the little time that I knew him. He always had his way of making me smile and crack up laughing. Life fucks you, hard. Thanks for it. I really needed to loose the only person that I connected with.
Elementary school kicked ass, and Middle school was average. But High school was a complete mindfuck for me.
I really hate how everything matters there, how you dress, talk, look, walk, anything. It's just fucking racist. But who hasn't tried to fit in at least once in their life. I guess It molded me into the person that I am now, in a weird way? It made me man up and really, truly find myself as a person.
Matthew Scott Waybright, CHANGED MY LIFE. He is the person I owe everything to. He is my best friend, boyfriend, fiance', future husband & soul mate. He's the only person that has given me a hand for anything and everything. Even though we've been through some really shitty times, we managed to pull through and grasp onto each other like always. I'd never take anything back that we've done together. I just wish that we could have started our relationship back in early 05'. But I guess It's the Universes' job to do the "timing" around here.
I wish I had a lot more friends than I do now though. Two out of three of my friends are moving away so that's nice. I really don't know why people don't like me. I'm not conceited or snobby, unless you've done something wrong to me yeah I'm not gonna like you. But honestly, no one around here likes me anymore. It's just Matt's friends, Matt, and a few of my close friends.
So what do I have now? A Mom that is constantly nagging at me to get a job, when I've tried for 2 fucking years, no money, and half of a family that doesn't even cease to the fact that I'm still alive. And Matt, who has my heart forever<33333.
What have I learned? That life definitely isn't fair, people stab you in the back if you're not careful, and life is really fucking short? Sure. But that's only a bullshit way to put it.
So here's the non-bullshit ! Hahahah.
Shit isn't just handed to you. I see so many spoiled bitches around here that don't give a shit about anything but there Channel purses and fake ass nails, it really fucking pisses me off. No one cares about anything anymore except for themselves. And now, it's so fucking hard to find true friends. So many people talk shit, it's so hard to trust ANYONE these days. I've also learned that American heritage is disgusting and that I hate this country. It's gone to Hell. Canada here I come, hopefully? We should totally get the Snobbiest Country Award, and if it's not real, I'll fucking make it real hahahah.
I just really need a fresh start when me and Matt get married in the Spring. Hopefully everything will come together and karma will FINALLY re-pay me. |
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